You’re the person everyone hates to get stuck behind on the sidewalk, because you’re ambling just too slowly, holding up pedestrian traffic. And somehow you also place yourself so it’s impossible to get around you? How do you do that? Anyway, speed up.

Hey, we get it: Nothing is worse than when someone uses the word “penultimate” incorrectly, or when they say “was” when they should have said “were.” But your quest to improve the world’s grammar is ultimately futile, and you’re just making more and more enemies. And that’s the penultimate truth.

You’re constantly cracking “jokes” that aren’t really jokes — and when people get mad, you get mad at THEM for not understanding your humor! But maybe it’s your jokes that are the problem?

God invented headphones for a reason. Put them on and leave the other riders in peace.

You love telling everyone about your “refined palate” and scoffing at their subpar food choices. But instead of coming across as impressive, you’re just alienating the people around you, and tomorrow at lunch, everyone’s gonna go to McDonald’s without you.

If someone tells you a story, you have an even better story in the same vein. If a friend is heartbroken, you’re even more heartbroken. You think you’re commiserating with them by relating your shared experience, but instead people think you always need to be the center of attention.

Your believe your life to be very hard, and you let everyone know it — not because you expect them to understand, because of course they couldn’t because who COULD? But fun fact: Other people’s struggles are just as bad (if not worse) than yours, and if you actually listened more and paid attention, you might find that you’re not nearly as alone as you think you are.

No matter what time a meeting or event is scheduled, you’re always late, to the point that people have actually told you something’s happening earlier than it actually it is so that you’ll show up on time. People might tolerate this for a while, but if you don’t learn some time management skills, they’ll stop inviting you to things altogether.